Grateful

goodnight everyone. i am feeling better in the end of April month. and tomorrow we're turning to May. alhamdulillah....:)

wasting my Saturday night as usual. sitting in front of my laptop and looking for any attractive site.
by the way, was thinking about what i have done on April. so here it goes, i'll mention the most interesting case on April who happen outside my guess briefly:

1. A has apologized for everything mistakes he's made
2. finally, i could drive a car eventhough still have to be guide by. hahaha :D
3. my weight turn down to 46 kgs. subhanallah, can't believe it!
4. did a hilarious activities with girlfriends.
5. and so on. too much bliss You have given for me so i can't mention it one by one. i thank for all, God! :)

Kicking Friday

spent today after school time with girlfriends and did karaoke with them at Happy Puppy. it's ok to cut my stressed a little..

there was a time when we went out to this place and finally we got an hour voucher to use on this place again.. lucky to be us !


we sang various songs. either local songs or western songs. either melayu genre or rock genre. the award for the best song we sang today goes to Linkin Park-What I've Done. and the bad song we sang goes to Wali-Aku Bukan Bang Toyib. hahahah..

pssst... we actually very appreciate for any different singers and genres, but we just can not deny sometimes we discredited a song or singer that looked so strange.. ;D

i like like to singing and i love my voice. i don't care if mine are not good. throughout i still enjoy to sing why not to do this?! be confident ;)

Killing Me Softly

i realized in our life wasn't always be straight. sometimes we have to fight with our problems. either a problem can solve by our self or we have to ask advice from other person..

i didn't know what actually happen in my life during this month. i got a happiness but then i also got a pretty much problems. and i can't explain it one by one. i'm different. i became uncomunicative. became silent. honestly i really feel stifled around this month. i don't know why God's spilling all out on this month..

on my way back to home, i looked at a girl who sell Tahu Goreng when the rain was falling down. i can't imagine what if i become that girl. so sad look at her..

i spent today just went to school, then got a driving course and the last i felt asleep from magrib until 9 pm. unusual thing. apparently want to stop the time or just spend it only in bed. i swear i really want to run from this life furthermore. i can not cry to put out this stifled. i just can bury, bury, and bury problems by my self. i don't know what i have to do next..

even i thought i want to end this life with extreme way. using a cutter. without i tell you, you know what i mean. i'm go mad slowly. you said that you won't give your followers problems without a way out, but why do you give me problems so difficult and i think i can't stand it all ??? haaaaa :(

some people told me "be patient, nixie! you can through it". okay i know i can through it, buuuuuuuuut, Who want to be in a problem constantly ??? i don't want it !!! i have prayed, i have apologized if i did anything wrong. i'm always trying my best to fix all i have done, specifically if it couldn't accept other people. i really need support from whoever. i want to be free from any problems so i can lead this life enjoy and back to normally :(

Missing Piece

Hello Sunshine..
Why don't you shine to me anymore ?
Why you suddenly vanish from my view ?
Why you have the heart to dissapear slightly, when i feel you're the one for me ?

Hello Sunshine..
I hope you are fine, there
I hope you are always be safe
I hope you are still remember me, here..

Hello Sunshine..
Where are you ?
I want to find you wherever you are..

Hello Sunshine..
I Miss You !

Sigh.

Things that very bother me lately:

1. Since i had some problem with my stomach a year ago i've never eat a very spicy food. And today i didn't know why something different suddenly attacking my stomach. It's like when i was sick and makes me have to go emergency room. That's weird, i think. Cuz i didn't feel have eaten a spicy food or others carelessly. I just ate Pecel+tempe made by my maid. Only that. But why is my stomach getting pain?!

2. Last night i accidentally fall asleep without brushing my teeth before. This morning i got a tootache. I couldn't enjoy to eat my favorite food. I couldn't speak freely. And I couldn't pretend like there was nothing happened..

3. I don't know whether it can be called by depression or not. It's very hard to explain how i really felt and the reason behind. Moreover after lastnight incident. A invited me to go outside together and my mom wanted him to arrive at home first and asked permission. But in the end, all the plans failed because he was still feel ashamed to my mom after for a long time they never meet. I know how A feels and i know for what my mother asked him. I've been trying to understand all, either my mother or A. But why until now he has sent me message yet. Doesn't like usual. Where are you, sunshine ? I wish you are fine and for the incident lastnight i say Sorry and hopefully it's not being a problem for you.

Actually there's still problems as well. But i can't tell you all about it. Cuz i don't know what i really feel. I honestly confused with my my feeling now. I really need my moodchangers!!!! Haaaaa :'(

I might not be strong enough, but i have to be grateful i can still be survive on this life with any problems sometime. I wish i can fix my problems in the near of time. And i believe God always blessings me in whatever i do :')

She Sat and Prayed

it was a day after National Exam finished. i think all have happened between us will prove from now. i couldn't explain what i really feel. i used to be closer with you. and i might be just a little worried to you.

because last night i began to feel slightly different when before the exam be held. i just knew that you're spending the night with your little brother. only that. and the rest i just guess what actually happen to you. sigh...

3 weeks mostly we spent all night long, even all day long with sending message each other. make me smile when i read your message. make me feel so warm when i could be closer with you.

i wish after you finished your exam, after you graduate high school later, we are still be closer. we can be together and forever. amin amin amin!

thank you Allah. for every blessing. for sending me a happiness around people who i love. for making me close to people who i've waited for so long :')

i really miss you, A. for every words, for every moment with you, and for every things has happened around us recently...:)

Believing The Unbelievable

Today is the fourth day National Exam be held. At first i just thought that he wouldn't send his message for me. He wouldn't give me news. And i really tolerate it. But in reality he's still sending me some message. Eventhough some time he reply a little longer.

A and I recently spent every night just switching news. I gave him a spirit and motivation to turn up his passion for facing this exam. By the way, a few days ago he asked me to encourage him because he really needed it. I certainly approve it.

We all are humans who need others help sometime. If we want to be helped others, so we have to help others too. Like a science lesson when i was on elementary. That's we called mutualism symbiosys. Connection between two or more human being that profitable each others.

So while we are still living this life, Let us be a kind person for others. and i can't imagine how lovely this universe are if all people do a good things...:)


PS : yesterday afternoon was the first day i got driving car course. my father's told me to having that course, so i can drive car bymyself, or might bring my mom to another place she wants. you know what ? despite my mom had attended this course before me, but until now she hasn't had a courage to driving it byherself. hahaha :D

Fireflies

a song which pretty much makes me feel like back to 2009. which makes me remember all when i was with you. until now that`s still being my favorite and i`m gonna play this song over and over again specifically when i miss you :)

hopefully you`ll always be my fireflies, A. like at the lyrics, because my dreams are bursting at the seams about you ;)

Pray on Sunday

Bismillah. Dear Allah,
i wish i always in the right way. give me everything the best and easiness to earn success in future. save me from any danger. get easiness in everything. i wish that he's the best for me and he's truly my destiny.

Dear Allah,
i wish all my seniors get easiness when they're doing National Exam tomorrow. i wish they're always blessings by You. i wish they're always in Your protection. and i particularly wish he's getting recovery quickly.

Dear Allah,
i wish that last Friday is not the last day for me (and for him) to meet each other. to feel togetherness. to feel warmness beside him.

Amen...

Magical Friday

Thanks God It's Friday (again)..
it has been two weeks i feel so very close to A and i wish it won't be never ends. i enjoy this atmosphere around us in remaining time before he leave senior high school.

Dear God,
today, 2 weeks ago, on the first date of April month, was a day where we started all. we were apologizing each other for all mistakes we have done. we spilled out all emotions in one night. and we started to make a good connection again.

Dear God,
a week ago, eventhough you were busy to prepare National Exam, but you were still sending me some message. told me about your condition. accompanied me on the night. and i gave you some jokes for making you felt so warm.

Dear God,
and eventually today, it's not just another day. today was a day where i woke up earlier. accompanied you for doing Tahajud. it was time to wore Batik's uniform. i had a loaf of bread for breakfast. you texted me in the morning. you picked me up to go to school together.
before i left, my mom gave me some advice and this cherry smile. my teacher teached us very enjoy. i had lunch with my friends. i went back to home with you by motorcycle. we made a lot of conversation along the road. i could smell you from back and your fragrance imprinted on my clothes. this such a sweet memories :)

you have been sick since yesterday. maybe you are too busy to prepared this exam. i know your condition. i apologize that i'm not replying your message or maybe my message has not sent yet because pending problem. but from the deepest of me i send much love and get-well-soon wishes for you. hopefully you have recovery quickly, dear! :*

Goodnight...:)

Everlasting Love

13th april 2011. means my mom have turned a year older. i can't believe she's 40th years old now, but i'm happy that she grows up healthily and still looks young and still beautiful without wrinkle in her face. hehehe

nevertheless, sometimes i had a fight with her caused by little problem, but i know all she said will very very useful for me ahead..


i don't care how many numbers you are now. i just love you, and i want to love you eternally. happy birthday, ibu! i hope you get everything better day by day. you're one of the best things i had in my life :')

Fix Me Up

bad luck today is started cause last mid-night i suddenly puke and got a fever. sigh. and now i didn't go to school. i'm too weak to stand it. i need some medicine to erase this sickness. and maybe after it i'll scrap on my back. javanesse said, it can throw up the air in my stomach. believe it or not ?!

lost of appetite but i didn't loss my mood to take my picture. hahahah :D


f.y.i : thank you for supporting me with get-well-soon wishes. sunshine. you've came and take a half part to fixed me up ;)


Goodnight ! :)

That's Fixie, Not Nixie

now such riding bicycle was being a trend everywhere. not only for an adults, but also teenagers or even kids are making it as a new hobby. when i firstly heard about fixie, i didn't think that was a bicycle. i was just thinking "what's fixie ? what's fixie for ? why did people call it almost same with my name ?"

one day, i was curious with that. something i've never heard, i've never knew before. when i was opening on google then it turned out as a bicycle. taraaaaa! was a cool vehicle in my very first opinion ! many colour of fixie. not only available for boys, but for girls also available. pink, yellow, green, all is very interesting to own it.


i'm very salute for people or company who launched this new vehicle. how come ? with an interesting bicycle that will make societies interest to buy it, then they are using it for daily routine to go everywhere. at least, to cut using a motor vehicle that bear a lot of pollution. it can grow up an healthy lifestyle with riding bicycle as a new hobby. furthermore can save our earth from pollution. what's in your opinion guys ?! ;)

Things & Things

Friday Delights

1) spent the afternoon with Lia looked for some foods and we ended up at Pangsit Mie Bromo Pojok and Es Artistik. yummmmmy and really artistics food ;)
you wanna try ?? come here at Pattimura Street 53 Malang



2) talked many stories in our life. properly, we have been for a long time no see each other.
this is my best friend ever Liaaaaa. she looks always sweet behind her jilbabs :))

By the way, this already a week A and me made a good connection again. wishing tonight he will send her message for me because i miss him so badly. heheh

Goodnight..:)

Bundle of Joy

when i want to go sleep in the afternoon because i couldn't stand for this Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. oooh..poor me! my mom suddenly lay down on my bed

mom : "baby, are you in relationship again with A ?"
me : "no mom! why ??"
mom : "i just read your blog and found your story about you and him. please telling me what actually happen"
me : blablablablabla
mom : "hahaha. you and him are so funny. okay! no problem. i warn you that the stupid people is a person who fall in the same mistake twice"
me : "hehe. yes mom ! i'll remember it. always !"

f.y.i : waiting for the idea with playing webcam on my laptop. and i..... forgot how to use this device. hahah ;)

i'm lucky to have a mother like you, mom. hehehehehe :)

Secretly Happyness

you are my sunshine. my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are grey. you'll never know, Dear, how much i love you. please DON'T TAKE my sunshine away ! :)

Not Like A Movie

now 3 April. it means 3 days i feel so very closed to him because A would be around. although he's not as my boyfriend, i'm not as his girlfriend. at least, i can spend remaining time with people i adore before he leave Senior High School.

the conversation...


i know exactly you're not my boyfriend. but i hope that's not 'your game' to playing me for the second time. okay, A ?! :)

Blog Changes Everything

....dedicated to A-the one i adore on the first time i entered Senior High School- as i promised to you last night :)

sooo...i still didn't believe what actually happened in our way. you, after for a long time we haven't made a conversation, you suddenly came and beg me to forgive you. i said to myself, you're crazy or what ?! you have never contact me, more over after i had a boyfriend, called I, instead of you. but then i broke up with him and i thought our story now was same with I.

back to our story..
it seems like you've realized everything you did to me in the past. and you blame yourself repeatedly. hey dear, you should know, i forgive you long ago. i patiently try to lead this life , to always be grateful with what i have got. despite sometimes it make me hurt. but i am very sure, all have happened in our past is the best for me, for you, and for us :)

i hope it'll be the first signal for us to make a good relationship. hmm...doesn't mean you have to be my boyfriend again. no ! because i know, you're fallin in love to your classmates, aren't you ??! ;)
soo, essentially i've forgot what happened in our past, and let us turn to a new page. this all just a story of our life.

thank you for making me learn to forgive other person, thank you for giving me a very valuable life lessons. i love you A. no matter what, no matter how people say about you. and as you said me yesterday, i hope i still could be the one who make you happy now and future :)