My Kind of Spiritual Journey

So many awesome things have happened to me recently and i am really happy about it.
Alhamdulillah i have finished the final project called skripsi and now i'm officialy bachelor of psychology (S.Psi). Yes! Nixie Devina Rahmadiani, S.Psi :) 

It's so unbelievable that i was being the fastest student who can finish skripsi on time :') Since i knew who's my first advisor, i thought that i can't finish it punctually. There's so much things i heard about her. My friends and my seniors told me that my advisor is a perfectionism person and i saw that a lot of my seniors can not pass skripsi on time when they were guided by her :')

I remember when the first time i proposed topic for skripsi. Mrs. Diyah (my advisor) told me that my topic was too easy and USELESS :) Such a lightning and thunder strikes to my head. HAHAHA. For my second trial, i propose quantitative research. Did you know what Mrs. Diyah said to me ?! She said "I approve this topic but make it be QUALITATIVE RESEARCH!" 
I didn't know what i had to do next at that time. I was happy to heard about approval, but i thought qualitative research wasn't easy and it took a long time to do it. 

I still can't believe for what i got now. How can I finish qualitative research fastly ?! How can I finish it on time ?! How can I finish Skripsi while i had problems with my love life and i had to deal with it ?! I know it was really not easy but it's such beyond what i expect. Allah is really good. Alhamdulillah :)

So, After all that i have been through, "THE DYNAMICS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL CAPITAL ON SUCCESS EARLY ADULTHOOD ENTREPRENEURS" literally bring me to this part of my lyf :) 

I am so grateful for everything i got now, and i am so grateful for having good people around me. They gave me a great support for me, send me unceasing prayers. I say thank a lot to all of you. I Love You All ! 

These are some photos from Unforgettable 14th April 2016 :)
 

MY FACE WAS TOO PALE.
THAT WAS BECAUSE TRAGEDY BEFORE FINAL EXAM HELD
I HAD TO PICK UP MY SECOND ADVISOR WHILE IT WAS RAINING :))))

NYOCITS WITHOUT MEGA BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN IN BALI SINCE A MONTH AGO

MY SORAYA PERUCHA. BESTFRIEND SINCE I WAS ON SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL. WITHOUT RIFFANI

From Left to Right : Dian, Mbak Carol, Me, Erza, and Vonny

28th April 2016

But in the end, all my tears and my sleepless nights was paid off since I am Officially S.Psi :)
It is not the end, but it is the beginning of all. One of my dreams has been caught, there are a lot of dreams i have to catch next. So, Wish Me Luck ! :) 

"Finishing Skripsi is a kind of spiritual journey. Skripsi can change your thoughts, feelings, and your attitudes and behaviours at the same time :)" 

 

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My Vision about Marriage

Jangan kaget dulu dengan judul di atas!
Kenapa saya ngambil judul itu di atas? Itu mungkin pertanyaan yang klise bagi para pembaca setia (if any :D) atau kepoers atau blog walkers yang menyempatkan waktunya untuk sekedar mampir di blog ini. Yaah jawabannya klise juga. Karena saya tiba-tiba kepikiran untuk bikin postingan yang topiknya tentang 'Menikah' :p

Sering nggak sih pas ketemu sama temen dari orangtua kita, terus temennya orangtua kita itu bilang "wah anakmu udah besar ya. bentar lagi bakal punya mantu nih" atau pertanyaan-pertanyaan lain sejenis. Nah mungkin nggak cuma saya aja yang mengalami itu. Saya yakin kalian pun pernah mengalaminya :) Pas dikasi pertanyaan sejenis itu biasanya saya sih cuma membatin aja "mau nikah gimana, pacar aja belum punya!". 

Saya nggak mau menyebut diri saya mengenaskan hanya karena tidak belum mempunyai pacar/calon suami/calon pendamping hidup/etc/blablabla. Setelah beberapa kejadian yang tidak perlu saya ceritakan disini saya berprinsip bahwa saya nggak ingin pacaran yang hanya buat main-main lagi. Saya kepinginnya ketika saya menemukan seorang pacar semoga itu memang benar-benar jodoh saya dan berakhir di hubungan pernikahan. Yah saya nggak mau sok sok woles. Jujur saja saya pernah mengalami masa-masa krisis kepercayaan diri kenapa kok saya belum dianugerahi seorang pacar/jodoh, dimana beberapa teman-teman saya bahkan ada yang udah menikah :( Secara psikologis, emang wajar kalau ada pikiran seperti itu karena memang di usia-usia saya seperti ini idealnya fokus hidup adalah untuk tujuan karier dan hubungan cinta. Tetapi setelah saya pikir-pikir lagi mungkin Allah memang masih menyimpan jodoh saya dan memang belum direstui untuk dipertemukan saat ini. 

Saya sempat ada pikiran ingin menikah di usia 23 tahun. Entah mungkin karena pada saat itu momennya bertepatan ada salah satu teman saya yg menikah dan saya ngeliat mereka duduk di pelaminan itu sepertinya suatu hal yang sangat sangat membahagiakan menurut saya. Atau mungkin juga karena terpengaruh dengan prinsip saya yg tidak ingin lagi untuk pacaran-pacaran lagi. Saya mungkin hanya membayangkan betapa enaknya punya partner hidup yang seutuhnya adalah milik saya. 

Rumah tangga itu rumit, kalau sederhana, itu rumah makan padang - Agus Kuncoro

  Pada suatu waktu saya dihadapkan dengan sebuah realita yang menunjukkan bahwa dalam pernikahan itu pasti ada kalanya ditimpa cobaannya. Namun, tinggal bagaimana pasangan itu menghadapi cobaan. Banyak sekali contoh rumah tangga yang sudah bepuluh-puluh tahun dibina namun ketika ada cobaan yang mungkin sudah mencapai titik puncaknya, pasangan tersebut justru "menyerah pada keadaan" dan memilih perceraian sebagai jalan keluarnya. Pikiran saya sedikit demi sedikit mulai terbuka bahwa memang sebuah rumah tangga itu nggak mungkin akan selalu berjalan mulus. Sebuah hubungan rumah tangga justru akan didewasakan dari pengalaman bagaimana pasangan tersebut menghadapi suatu cobaan. 

Melihat realita tersebut, pikiran saya untuk menikah muda-pun mulai menghilang. Saya ingat cerita salah satu dosen saya yang bahkan hingga usia 30 tahunan belum juga menikah. Dosen saya mengatakan "Saya sekarang memang sendirian namun saya sudah cukup bahagia dengan kehidupan yang saya miliki. Saya tidak tahu apakah ketika saya menikah nanti saya akan lebih bahagia atau bagaimana". Kalo menruut teorinya Maslow, mungkin dosen saya memang telah mencapai aktualisasi dirinya sampai-sampai ia mungkin menomorakhirkan urusan menikah. 

Bulan Januari lalu, kebetulan kakak sepupu saya baru saja menikah. Saya mengobrol dengan kakak sepupu saya itu. Dia sempat nyeletuk "wah bentar lagi nyusul ini kamu!" dan saya hanya menimpalinya dengan ketawa kecil. Kakak sepupu saya lalu bertanya "target nikah usia berapa dek?". Lalu saya jawab "aduh nggak tau mas. pengennya masih seneng-seneng dulu". Mas saya menimpali "kamu umur berapa se sekarang?" "20 mas" "Kalo cewek tuh idealnya yah 23-24-25 lah. Ntar lulus kuliah mau sekolah lagi?" "Insyaalah iya pengen lanjut lagi." Lalu saya pun cerita tentang dosen sy yang telah mencapai aktualisasi dirinya itu. Mas saya komentarnya seperti ini:

"Waaa kalo aku sih nggak setuju. Soalnya apa? Walaupun dia udah bahagia dengan keadaannya sekarang, mau gimanapun dia akan butuh seorang pendamping. Kan kita hidup juga bakalan jadi tua. Sementara saudara-saudara atau temen-temen kita juga akan bertambah tua dan bakalan punya kehidupan masing-masing dengan pasangannya. Kalo udah kayak begitu terus kita kalo ga punya pasangan hidup mau sama siapa?! Emang mau jd kesepian. Apalagi kalo buat cewek. Usia diatas 30 tahun itu sebenarnya juga udah rentan. Apalagi kan kalo pengen punya anak usia-usia 30 tahun ke atas itu rawan banget. Kalo menurutku sih ya gapapa nyenengin diri sendiri dulu tapi urusan nikah juga jangan dilupain."

OH MY GOD, HE'S SUCH A GENIUS MAN!!!!! :( Dia membuka pikiran saya. 

Be Careful of What You Wish For

Saya sekarang 20 tahun. Saya masih memiliki banyak sekali mimpi-mimpi yang belum saya raih. Saya masih ingin jalan-jalan, saya masih ingin lanjut sekolah, saya ingin membahagiakan orangtua saya, saya ingin mencapai titik puncak aktualisasi diri saya, and saya pun ingin bertemu dengan partner hidup saya dan membina rumah tangga. Saya tak tahu kapan waktunya Allah mempertemukan saya dengan jodoh saya. Namun ketika waktu itu datang, saya yakin itulah yang terbaik yang Allah berikan pada jalan hidup saya. Saya akan siap secara lahir batin ketika Allah telah memberi restunya untuk saya. Pada prinsipnya saya akan menikah ketika Allah sudah 'memberi restu' bahwa memang inilah waktunya dan saya telah siap secara psikis dan yang tak kalah terpenting adalah secara finansial :)

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Quote of Today

This actually a part of my writing for my Personality Psychology task. And the last my conclution are: 

"Disadari atau tidak, orang yg berperan dalam perkembangan kepribadian bahkan pembentukan kepribadian bisa jadi adalah mantanmu ;D"

- quote by Nixie Devina -


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Oh! Heart

i was randomly taking some part of lyrics and it get me touched nooooow. didn't know what actually happen but i'm just feeling so messed up. haaaa :(

Short Post

What does the apologize for, if you treat me such in the past ?? Thank you for hurting me again. Thank you for any sweet words you have given to me. Thank you for all lies, A ! May God make you aware soon how i really feel this way ! :)

That's It

that's problem when we are getting attached to someone older. when they're moving to higher step, you must be willing to lose them. you don't even know whether you can meet again or not. big question spinning in my head. haaaaaa......:(

Quote of The Day

"Sometimes what we say will be different with what we feel trully inside. Feelings will never can be deceived"

-Nixie Devina-

I Thought Of Thinking Of Thanking You

Couldn't find the nice way. To say I'm leavin' today. Tried to write a letter. But curse words kept getting in the way. There has to be a nice way. To tell you how much I hate. The way you walk and talk and live and breathe and your very face.

I'm trying to spare your feelings. To tell you that I wish that you would die. That'd just be wrong of me.

At first I was just gonna leave. Let you wake up suddenly. And see that I'm no longer there. But instead just for a laugh. I left your apartment trashed. And this CD on the stairs. When you wake up and turn it on you will hear this song and by that time I'll be long gone.

That I dedicate to you. That I dedicate to you. That I dedicate to you.

So this is my goodbye song. Thanks for nothin' you. So this is my goodbye song that I dedicate to you. This is your song. Hope you enjoy it..

(Neyo-Goodbye)

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Do download here if you want to own this song

what a great song to explain what i really feel right now !!! :)

I Say Bye-Bye

today..
this is the day when all my seniors waiting for. this is the day when everything will be started. yeah! today the graduation was announced all over Indonesia. fortunately all my seniors at Senior High School 100 % graduate this year. alhamdulillah. and it's mean including You.

i'm terribly sorry to not giving you congratulations directly, either from mention on twitter or via SMS. for sure, i didn't know why after we made a good connection a few times ago, we seems like back to old condition. i recently read on your timeline about your feelings and i can conclude what you really feel. the point are you-still-in-love-with-her. hmmm...

that's okay. no matter what are your feeling, irrespectively in negative side, but i just want to say to you once again. congratulations for you! congratulation for graduating High School! it almost 2 years since we met for the first time, since we made a relationship until we broke up. and soon you will leave high school and we never know will we meet in another time ?! we will never know. i just know you are the best. the best ex-boyfriend. although you are perfectly made me hurt the most. thank you for the sweet memories. thank you for everything. hmm anyway, thank you for 15th April 2011. at least i can feel closer with you in the rest of your High School time. i will never forget it. i hope we can meet each others one day. amen. if God created you're not for me, i wish i find a better replacement of you. but honestly i'm still not willing of it :')
i hold dear you my 'big' brother, i hold dear you my ex-boyfriend, i hold dear you, A :)

Missing Piece

Hello Sunshine..
Why don't you shine to me anymore ?
Why you suddenly vanish from my view ?
Why you have the heart to dissapear slightly, when i feel you're the one for me ?

Hello Sunshine..
I hope you are fine, there
I hope you are always be safe
I hope you are still remember me, here..

Hello Sunshine..
Where are you ?
I want to find you wherever you are..

Hello Sunshine..
I Miss You !

She Sat and Prayed

it was a day after National Exam finished. i think all have happened between us will prove from now. i couldn't explain what i really feel. i used to be closer with you. and i might be just a little worried to you.

because last night i began to feel slightly different when before the exam be held. i just knew that you're spending the night with your little brother. only that. and the rest i just guess what actually happen to you. sigh...

3 weeks mostly we spent all night long, even all day long with sending message each other. make me smile when i read your message. make me feel so warm when i could be closer with you.

i wish after you finished your exam, after you graduate high school later, we are still be closer. we can be together and forever. amin amin amin!

thank you Allah. for every blessing. for sending me a happiness around people who i love. for making me close to people who i've waited for so long :')

i really miss you, A. for every words, for every moment with you, and for every things has happened around us recently...:)

Believing The Unbelievable

Today is the fourth day National Exam be held. At first i just thought that he wouldn't send his message for me. He wouldn't give me news. And i really tolerate it. But in reality he's still sending me some message. Eventhough some time he reply a little longer.

A and I recently spent every night just switching news. I gave him a spirit and motivation to turn up his passion for facing this exam. By the way, a few days ago he asked me to encourage him because he really needed it. I certainly approve it.

We all are humans who need others help sometime. If we want to be helped others, so we have to help others too. Like a science lesson when i was on elementary. That's we called mutualism symbiosys. Connection between two or more human being that profitable each others.

So while we are still living this life, Let us be a kind person for others. and i can't imagine how lovely this universe are if all people do a good things...:)


PS : yesterday afternoon was the first day i got driving car course. my father's told me to having that course, so i can drive car bymyself, or might bring my mom to another place she wants. you know what ? despite my mom had attended this course before me, but until now she hasn't had a courage to driving it byherself. hahaha :D

Fireflies

a song which pretty much makes me feel like back to 2009. which makes me remember all when i was with you. until now that`s still being my favorite and i`m gonna play this song over and over again specifically when i miss you :)

hopefully you`ll always be my fireflies, A. like at the lyrics, because my dreams are bursting at the seams about you ;)

Magical Friday

Thanks God It's Friday (again)..
it has been two weeks i feel so very close to A and i wish it won't be never ends. i enjoy this atmosphere around us in remaining time before he leave senior high school.

Dear God,
today, 2 weeks ago, on the first date of April month, was a day where we started all. we were apologizing each other for all mistakes we have done. we spilled out all emotions in one night. and we started to make a good connection again.

Dear God,
a week ago, eventhough you were busy to prepare National Exam, but you were still sending me some message. told me about your condition. accompanied me on the night. and i gave you some jokes for making you felt so warm.

Dear God,
and eventually today, it's not just another day. today was a day where i woke up earlier. accompanied you for doing Tahajud. it was time to wore Batik's uniform. i had a loaf of bread for breakfast. you texted me in the morning. you picked me up to go to school together.
before i left, my mom gave me some advice and this cherry smile. my teacher teached us very enjoy. i had lunch with my friends. i went back to home with you by motorcycle. we made a lot of conversation along the road. i could smell you from back and your fragrance imprinted on my clothes. this such a sweet memories :)

you have been sick since yesterday. maybe you are too busy to prepared this exam. i know your condition. i apologize that i'm not replying your message or maybe my message has not sent yet because pending problem. but from the deepest of me i send much love and get-well-soon wishes for you. hopefully you have recovery quickly, dear! :*

Goodnight...:)

Bundle of Joy

when i want to go sleep in the afternoon because i couldn't stand for this Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. oooh..poor me! my mom suddenly lay down on my bed

mom : "baby, are you in relationship again with A ?"
me : "no mom! why ??"
mom : "i just read your blog and found your story about you and him. please telling me what actually happen"
me : blablablablabla
mom : "hahaha. you and him are so funny. okay! no problem. i warn you that the stupid people is a person who fall in the same mistake twice"
me : "hehe. yes mom ! i'll remember it. always !"

f.y.i : waiting for the idea with playing webcam on my laptop. and i..... forgot how to use this device. hahah ;)

i'm lucky to have a mother like you, mom. hehehehehe :)

Secretly Happyness

you are my sunshine. my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are grey. you'll never know, Dear, how much i love you. please DON'T TAKE my sunshine away ! :)

Not Like A Movie

now 3 April. it means 3 days i feel so very closed to him because A would be around. although he's not as my boyfriend, i'm not as his girlfriend. at least, i can spend remaining time with people i adore before he leave Senior High School.

the conversation...


i know exactly you're not my boyfriend. but i hope that's not 'your game' to playing me for the second time. okay, A ?! :)

Blog Changes Everything

....dedicated to A-the one i adore on the first time i entered Senior High School- as i promised to you last night :)

sooo...i still didn't believe what actually happened in our way. you, after for a long time we haven't made a conversation, you suddenly came and beg me to forgive you. i said to myself, you're crazy or what ?! you have never contact me, more over after i had a boyfriend, called I, instead of you. but then i broke up with him and i thought our story now was same with I.

back to our story..
it seems like you've realized everything you did to me in the past. and you blame yourself repeatedly. hey dear, you should know, i forgive you long ago. i patiently try to lead this life , to always be grateful with what i have got. despite sometimes it make me hurt. but i am very sure, all have happened in our past is the best for me, for you, and for us :)

i hope it'll be the first signal for us to make a good relationship. hmm...doesn't mean you have to be my boyfriend again. no ! because i know, you're fallin in love to your classmates, aren't you ??! ;)
soo, essentially i've forgot what happened in our past, and let us turn to a new page. this all just a story of our life.

thank you for making me learn to forgive other person, thank you for giving me a very valuable life lessons. i love you A. no matter what, no matter how people say about you. and as you said me yesterday, i hope i still could be the one who make you happy now and future :)

No Joking, I'm Serious

until this month, it means 7 months i was being single. have no boyfriend, no mooring heart :p
and sometimes i'm just wondering what if in the next i have a boyfriend but that will be the last and forever for me. amin amin! heheheh ;D
now my question are....

who's people that will be my last ???

supposing i can look God's note how is my destiny in future..

The Bride & The Groom

Bride said :

"Baby, why did you marry me ??"

Groom said :

"You really want to know ? Because without you, there's no word 'Married' for me"

:')

courtesy from here