Grateful

goodnight everyone. i am feeling better in the end of April month. and tomorrow we're turning to May. alhamdulillah....:)

wasting my Saturday night as usual. sitting in front of my laptop and looking for any attractive site.
by the way, was thinking about what i have done on April. so here it goes, i'll mention the most interesting case on April who happen outside my guess briefly:

1. A has apologized for everything mistakes he's made
2. finally, i could drive a car eventhough still have to be guide by. hahaha :D
3. my weight turn down to 46 kgs. subhanallah, can't believe it!
4. did a hilarious activities with girlfriends.
5. and so on. too much bliss You have given for me so i can't mention it one by one. i thank for all, God! :)

Kicking Friday

spent today after school time with girlfriends and did karaoke with them at Happy Puppy. it's ok to cut my stressed a little..

there was a time when we went out to this place and finally we got an hour voucher to use on this place again.. lucky to be us !


we sang various songs. either local songs or western songs. either melayu genre or rock genre. the award for the best song we sang today goes to Linkin Park-What I've Done. and the bad song we sang goes to Wali-Aku Bukan Bang Toyib. hahahah..

pssst... we actually very appreciate for any different singers and genres, but we just can not deny sometimes we discredited a song or singer that looked so strange.. ;D

i like like to singing and i love my voice. i don't care if mine are not good. throughout i still enjoy to sing why not to do this?! be confident ;)

Killing Me Softly

i realized in our life wasn't always be straight. sometimes we have to fight with our problems. either a problem can solve by our self or we have to ask advice from other person..

i didn't know what actually happen in my life during this month. i got a happiness but then i also got a pretty much problems. and i can't explain it one by one. i'm different. i became uncomunicative. became silent. honestly i really feel stifled around this month. i don't know why God's spilling all out on this month..

on my way back to home, i looked at a girl who sell Tahu Goreng when the rain was falling down. i can't imagine what if i become that girl. so sad look at her..

i spent today just went to school, then got a driving course and the last i felt asleep from magrib until 9 pm. unusual thing. apparently want to stop the time or just spend it only in bed. i swear i really want to run from this life furthermore. i can not cry to put out this stifled. i just can bury, bury, and bury problems by my self. i don't know what i have to do next..

even i thought i want to end this life with extreme way. using a cutter. without i tell you, you know what i mean. i'm go mad slowly. you said that you won't give your followers problems without a way out, but why do you give me problems so difficult and i think i can't stand it all ??? haaaaa :(

some people told me "be patient, nixie! you can through it". okay i know i can through it, buuuuuuuuut, Who want to be in a problem constantly ??? i don't want it !!! i have prayed, i have apologized if i did anything wrong. i'm always trying my best to fix all i have done, specifically if it couldn't accept other people. i really need support from whoever. i want to be free from any problems so i can lead this life enjoy and back to normally :(

Missing Piece

Hello Sunshine..
Why don't you shine to me anymore ?
Why you suddenly vanish from my view ?
Why you have the heart to dissapear slightly, when i feel you're the one for me ?

Hello Sunshine..
I hope you are fine, there
I hope you are always be safe
I hope you are still remember me, here..

Hello Sunshine..
Where are you ?
I want to find you wherever you are..

Hello Sunshine..
I Miss You !

Sigh.

Things that very bother me lately:

1. Since i had some problem with my stomach a year ago i've never eat a very spicy food. And today i didn't know why something different suddenly attacking my stomach. It's like when i was sick and makes me have to go emergency room. That's weird, i think. Cuz i didn't feel have eaten a spicy food or others carelessly. I just ate Pecel+tempe made by my maid. Only that. But why is my stomach getting pain?!

2. Last night i accidentally fall asleep without brushing my teeth before. This morning i got a tootache. I couldn't enjoy to eat my favorite food. I couldn't speak freely. And I couldn't pretend like there was nothing happened..

3. I don't know whether it can be called by depression or not. It's very hard to explain how i really felt and the reason behind. Moreover after lastnight incident. A invited me to go outside together and my mom wanted him to arrive at home first and asked permission. But in the end, all the plans failed because he was still feel ashamed to my mom after for a long time they never meet. I know how A feels and i know for what my mother asked him. I've been trying to understand all, either my mother or A. But why until now he has sent me message yet. Doesn't like usual. Where are you, sunshine ? I wish you are fine and for the incident lastnight i say Sorry and hopefully it's not being a problem for you.

Actually there's still problems as well. But i can't tell you all about it. Cuz i don't know what i really feel. I honestly confused with my my feeling now. I really need my moodchangers!!!! Haaaaa :'(

I might not be strong enough, but i have to be grateful i can still be survive on this life with any problems sometime. I wish i can fix my problems in the near of time. And i believe God always blessings me in whatever i do :')